Friday, June 28, 2013

A tiny, irrevocable Statement of Truth

I started this blog one night in 2008 on a whim, because I was sick of studying and wanted to vent (five years later, I'm still studying, heh. That's a different story, though). I barely took it seriously until about three years ago.

After a longish spell of abandoning all types of writing last year, I've been prodding myself to write more consistently again. 
I'm perfectly clear about the aims of this blog: not self promotion, not the number of followers, but simply the pleasure of writing. The fact that it's online simply aids in putting a bit of pressure on me to keep at it. Because I can be incredibly lazy sometimes, even when it comes to doing the things I love. Maybe this happens with everyone, I dunno.

The fact that it's online makes me think that someone, somewhere, at some point of time might stumble upon my writing and so I have to try to write in the best way that I can. I keep honing my writing. Rewriting, double-checking several times over, which I know I would not have done otherwise. 
Besides, even when I do write things offline, I don't go shoving them under people's noses for feedback, you know? So putting them online is a good compromise, precisely because of the low readership and all. If someone does like something I've written and wants to say so, or has something to add, that's great. And if not, well, at least I have the feeling that someone might. And that eggs me on. Plus, there's the whole big blogging community, and if you're well connected, it can be a lot of fun. (Note: I'm horribly connected...but it's still fun).

Why a sudden introspection of this blog that I know barely has any regular readers? No, it's not some silly blog anniversary, I think those are corny. I hate to admit it, but a few weeks ago,I felt slightly dejected that I haven't been getting any sort of a response to anything I've written in a while (except for this one time I accidentally published a draft that was never meant to see the light of day or darkness of night. It was a very very bitter rant about the bad week I was having. K. got in touch immediately and then proceeded to send me many funny pictures so that by the end of it, I was struggling not to laugh out loud at the workplace).

I don't publicize the blog on Facebook or the internet in general, least of all because it's anonymous. Which I realize doesn't matter much. It's not like I'm dishing out scandalous details of my extremely eventful, fascinating life. I mean,I literally haven't spoken to anyone face to face but the cashiers at the supermarket all week. And the concierge of my building, because my kitchen counter sank last week when I put a pot full of potatoes on it. Sank, as in it is now uneven and if I spill some water on the stove, it trickles down to the back. Because my kitchen counter is slanting. And that, that was the most interesting thing to happen to me probably since spring started. It's because I'm writing my thesis though, not to worry. My dead social life will revive in precisely a month and a half. But I digress.

This blog is in need of a makeover, name and all, because as it was recently pointed out, I am the complete opposite of a cynic. I was a firm believer when I started out, but things have changed over the years. I also need some people who know about this stuff to help me out, but right now, I only have time for my thesis. And aimless day dreaming about visiting home. And all the people I will meet and the things I will eat. And the things I will eat. Did I mention the things I will eat?

Anyway, I suppose I wanted to put pen to paper ('fingers to keyboard' will never have the same charm, so shut up if you were going to correct me) and say it to myself: it's okay to want a little validation sometimes. Who doesn't?

Also, I disagree with the band of people who think that blogging is such a self involved and selfish thing to do, that people just do it to get attention, that they think it makes them feel smug in some way (said people were unaware that I blog). It's a mean outlook.

Aaanywhichway, to those who say these things, if you don't like blogging, then do stay away.

I am fully aware of the fact that my epic declaration will probably not garner so much as a cough in way of responses (which is okay, really), but here I am anyway. Very, um, determined. And strong. 

Determined and strong. Looking like this at everyone who happens to read this post:

'Choo lookin at?
Via Allie Brosh at this brilliant blog.

The Cyniqueen