Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Ruminating...

I hate being all sombre and morose and vague in this blog, I do. But every day I just keep realizing that there are people in the world doing so much more, and tapping into whatever potential they have. Like him and her and her and Brad (who prefers to be called Adam, apparently, so that's what I shall call him henceforth) and CC, with his Love Sex Dance Magazine, (an online fashion magazine which you really should check out, especially the current issue)...I realize I spoke about people who are not in India, which is just a coincidence. The point is (as I see it), either they're doing what they love or working towards it; and logically speaking, that's how it should be for all of us. It shouldn't have to be an extraordinary thing, but it is. I admire people like this so much. And the weird thing is - nothing's stopping me but the shadows of my own mind.

I am happy for some things in my life though. Like for instance I took the more sensible (and harder) decision of staying on in Pune (instead of Goa, which hello, is fabulous) whether I get through the German course for this session or not. I'm happy that I'm doing something more to stay healthy. And today, I joined Guitar class, which I have wanted to do for so very long. You see, technically I've been playing the guitar since late 2006. But I mostly learned it on my own, off the internet and with very little personal help. So while I can play some things, there's so much more that I need to learn and (eeep!) lots and lots of wrong playing techniques I need to change. I hope this goes excellently. This still counts for something as far as the whole tapping your potential thing goes, does it not? I hope so.

I have a total love-hate relationship with my birthday, which approaches swiftly. In my mind, it waits there ahead of me (now at a distance where I can see it) and rubs its hands together slyly, not divulging what it has in store for me. Birthdays are frigging unpredictable, am I right? Even if I remain occupied the whole day, there's always this little voice in my head that whispers alluringly, sinfully - it's your birthday, you're supposed to be having a superamazingcrazilyexcitinglymindblowinglyecstatic day. And even though until then I've been pleased with the day, it suddenly begins to seem not-good-enough. And yay! becomes eh. Also, having a normal, routine day on your birthday is somehow anticlimactic and depressing. 
I think it has everything to do with the fact that most birthdays when you were a kid actually did seem  superamazingcrazilyexcitinglymindblowinglyecstatic because of the presents and the attention. Sigh. I wish stuff meant just as much now. Although I must admit, if I could have bought a DSLR on my birthday, I would have been disturbingly elated. So anyway, I was talking to G about it who says it wouldn't bother him at all if his birthday were like any other day or even if he were alone. It's going to be hard, but this year I'm going to try not putting any pressure on the day and let it take its own course. 

And now, an attempt to brighten up and sweeten this post:


This was a sprite flavoured cake (baked using sprite instead of egg. How cool is that?) I baked during my CMYK (photography) course for the whole class and Saloni clicked this picture. The gems (which got displaced on the way from Margao to Mapusa) are supposed to spell click! and there's a smile there in the middle which drowned in the icing. But look - colour can spruce up anything :)

What do you do on your birthday?

The Cyniqueen.

2 comments:

The Bohemian Teacher said...

OMG I have never been tagged before! Thanks Cyniqueen. I never thought I was doing something worthwhile but thanks for cheering me up! I admire your writing and I really look forward to every new post from you! From the looks of it, I would say your attempt at baking was a success. I would eat that cake for sure! :D And you are right a DSLR can make anyone disturbingly happy and broke but it's worth it. The only nasty bit is that they draw so much unwanted attention! I hope you get over the birthday blues, I just cant stand my birthdays anymore!
regards,
Caro
x

Cyniqueen said...

Right back at you about the looking forward to new posts thing! And don't think even for a second that you aren't doing anything worthwhile. I think it's awesome.
BTW, Carolina Primavera, check my last post and you shall find that this wasn't the first time you were tagged ;)

And I do sincerely hope I'm able to do the whole nonchalant birthday thing this year. Although I don't think I'm strong enough to do it without cake :P