Bellissimo! (Peaceful easy feeling)

G and me

Went to Italy

Ate a pizza or two

And tiramisu.

Danced late into the night

Saw the late evening light

At Lake Como.

And the Duomo?

Was pure brilliance.

I'm out of rhymes

But the next time

With some patience and wit

I'll try not to look like a giant git!

That, dear reader, is only a little sliver of the craziness that goes on in my head. But not crazy as in I was hallucinating, because we did in fact, totally go to Italy and have a fantastic time.

CC, host and dost (I know, I know. It's dumb. But I don't have the time or the patience to edit that. And that is how it shall remain. So anyway,) was so gracious and he showed us around. In the 3-4 days there, I

• saw how crazy people are about fashion. And how huge fashion in Milan is (as it should be). After this realization, it struck me how lame most of what I had carried along was in comparison to the swaying, swooshing, kisses-in-the-air smartly dressed (and voluptuously thin) girls there. I will definitely be thinking (and doing) a hell lot more the next time I'm preparing for a trip to Milan.
• didn't shop the way I might have/should have/could have. My stupid (and excruciatingly painful) white heels were found snapped as I unpacked, which I had barely worn twice. And all over town were these giantesses in beautiful heels, looking so elegant - which made me reconsider wearing heels on a regular basis again (something I've almost completely stopped doing).
• partied at Just Cavalli, where Hugh Grant was attending too. Apparently.
• ate genuine Italian pizza at Solo Pizza (twice) and was so tantalisingly delicious, I don't think I can eat pizza anywhere else again. 

Navigli, Milan

• also ate lots of gelato. And Tiramisu one time (And it was sinful. So sinful.)
• tried Sushi for the first time ever at a place CC goes to often (and no, I can't explain what CC stands for. Not without blushing, anyway), where he very patiently taught G and me how to eat with chopsticks, which is not easy. Sushi and Goan fish? Very very differently prepared. I think I need to try it a few more times to really start loving it. The seafood soup with sea weed (I bet it had a different name though) was yummy.
• went to Lake Como which you must visit if you're ever in Italy. And the town of Como too - really picturesque with little alleyways - which were also there in Milan. Along with charming cobbled streets. I felt like I was in a movie.
• found that the people are warm. And loud. And Italian sounds musical and makes me smile.
• loved the architecture. And the weather. 

Como

All in all, I am a very content Cyniqueen right now, but as the time to say goodbye to Europe draws to a close, a strange fluttering, squeezing, pounding, rolling feeling sits in my stomach. A hunger stirs, a craving to return growls fiercely. I know now, more than ever before, that I'll be back. Feels good :)

Yours pensively,

The Cyniqueen 

Here we go

Berlin, it seems, sort of likes me. I feel its warmth in the gentle swaying of the evening breeze and in the smiles exchanged on the street with people I've never seen. The little, smartly dressed dogs everywhere (not traipsing alone but accompanied by their owners, obviously) and people carrying cycles in the trains (which is allowed here.). I feel a longing to come back here even when I'm exasperated - like when I got bored of bread last week, which is all you get here. I wanted, more than anything, a piping hot Medu Vada for breakfast and settled for bread and cheese instead. I'm coming round to it though. Discovering croissants for breakfast was a wonderful moment.


Oh lord, I'm doing that vague thing again, aren't I? I don't know what that mood is, that simply takes over my fingers and flows out on to the screen, one abstract word after another, but I just have to let it run its convoluted course. Which I think it has. Now.


So anyway, getting back to normal writing, I was in the Netherlands last week! Two days in Rotterdam, followed by a day and a half in Amsterdam, and it was the most fun ever. I met some great people, saw some lovely sights and finally, finally visited the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam.


Anne Frank's writing and the Holocaust aspect of the second world war is something I have been interested in since I was a child. I have read a lot about it and I did my B.A. project on the diary of Anne Frank. So it was nothing short of a dream come true to visit the Anne Frank House at 263, Prinsengracht on a sunny Monday morning (where the queue behind us seemed to stretch on for more than a block at 11 am).
The fact that the memory of this remarkable girl and all those who perished during this tragic time has not been commercialized is something I deeply respect. The Anne Frank House is not simply about the house in which  eight Jews went into hiding, but a symbol of the atrocities meted out to a group of people simply because they were Jews. Visiting this monument reminds one that discrimination lives on even today and there is much to be learnt from the past. I hope to go back there as soon as possible.


Rotterdam was made fun by our friend Ruma, who showed us around the town and with whom we traveled to Amsterdam. Ooh, you get these delicious things in Netherlands called Swirl's  - an ice cream with self-chosen toppings, which was great to eat in the chilly weather . And speaking of weather, it was cold and rainy for the most time when we were in Netherlands and the strong winds made it worse - especially since I get cold quicker than a snow flake in winter (does that sound right?) but it was a lot of fun-ness and frolick-ness anyway.


What else did I like? The trams, the canals (so romantic), the ducks, and the cycles (hundreds of which I saw parked, but honestly, not half as many out on the road actually being ridden), and the language, which is a comprehensible mix of German and English. And definitely on my list of languages I want to someday learn. Someday.


And now, dear reader, I must go. Packing awaits, but I'm not complaining. Off to Italy for a long weekend. And it seems the weather will be nice and sunny. Hurrah!


The Cyniqueen.

Yes! The Germany diaries - First Impressions...

• It is so, so spotlessly clean here. 
• It is daylight till 9:30 pm. So bizarre, so lovely.
• Everything is bigger than in India - people, dogs, the average beer bottle, bikes, pigeons.
• You need to check the weather forecast everyday. At first I never got what the fuss was all about, but when they say it's going to be overcast or rainy? That also means you're going to bruise your skin from the cold if you don't dress accordingly. Maybe I exaggerate - but I get cold even in Indian winter. I have surreally sensitive skin.
• Ooh, the sparrows too. FAT. 
• Eggs shells are brown! Not terribly startling, but had previously seen said egg variety only on television.
• And German television - It is so nice to have about 30 channels to watch in German, and not the one lone German channel as we get in India. Here, I feel like a ruler - changing channels at will to find German everywhere, not like in India, where you switch to Deutsche Welle and tuck the remote away meekly in a corner. It's like switching from Doordarshan to cable TV. Yes.
• You can lay down on the grass and simply take in nature, or just read or do your own thing at Potsdamer Platz in Berlin. And you don't have to worry about dog poo in the grass, or about perverts staring at you. Is a free world where everyone does their own thing (except dog owners, who must clean up after their canines. Haha).
• I know I spoke about cleanliness already, but a special mention must be made of the toilets everywhere. People actually care about keeping things clean, they actually know the importance of clean surroundings. It's so sad to see total ignorance about this in India.
• Ah. Oddly, as of now, I don't miss home at all. I am perfectly content without, for instance, domestic help (and God knows how frustrating that can be at times), and Goa comes to mind only with gentle triggers, like the sand at a work site reminded me of the beach, and the smell of Paprika powder is exactly how the main market at Margao smells like. I will miss Ganesh Chaturthi this year, for the first time ever, but I'm not going to think about that now. I'm simply going to take in whatever Germany has to offer. 
• Oh, wait - just because you've done some levels of German does not mean that you'll be spewing it out with Germans you meet. For one - They. Speak. Fast. Their accents are so perfect and clipped and lovely-sounding, and it's just a little intimidating. On my way from Hannover to Berlin, I got the wrong compartment and lost my seat because apparently you're supposed to occupy your reserved seat within 15 minutes of the train starting (I know!). I was stuck between two compartments, which was still all posh as is not third world country. There were a couple of other Germans with accents so thick and they were speaking so fast, could only snatch some nouns, with no way of knowing exactly what they were saying. Used to be nodding and smiling stupidly at whatever they were saying to realize that I was being asked a question. But was fine, really. And, they can barely speak any English, so ha.
• The thing that Germans are cold people? Total crap! All the Germans I have met until now have been so helpful (except a hefty lady with dark brown facial hair at the cash counter of a shop at the Frankfurt airport train station, who was a little rude when I asked her about my train. But then she helped me anyway - poor thing though, probably gets harassed by innocuous, broken German-speaking tourists all the time. Heh.)
• And met this guy Thomas at the station in Hannover, who really helped my nerves, and with whom I spoke a decent amount of German, and who was one of the only people whose German I actually understood clearly. And we're in touch now. Love that a contact was made in this random manner.
• They say that even if you speak a little German, the Germans will be friendly. And it makes total sense. You would be unable to communicate with someone who couldn't speak the same language, so obviously, how can you just be friendly without really even speaking to someone?
• Clearly, I'm in an all-forgiving, nurturing, happy place right now, away from chaos and absorbing in a new culture, new weather, new hope.... And no matter what I'm doing here, no matter how mundane, it is marvellous just to know that I'm doing it here, in Germany, a place I've wanted to come to for a while. The magic of new possibilities in the air is intoxicating. Come join me, won't you?

Bis bald,

The Cyniqueen.

Zen

Good things in my life right now?
I finally drove the car after almost a year. Last year around this time, I sort of sprained my right wrist while lifting a very large bucket of water (of all things) because there was going to be some kind of a water shortage, which at the end of it didn't really end up affecting me at all. Which strengthens my belief in fate and shows that I was destined to sprain that wrist. I mean, I never go about lifting very large buckets of water, y'know? So anyway, basically every time I was down in Goa and tried to drive the shiny pink Zen Estillo, my wrist would start to ache. And then I lost the confidence that I'd be able to drive. But on Sunday, mom and dad and I went to the beach and I drove and it was like I had never had the break. And we had tea/coffee and bought shorts and tee shirts and things, and it was all very nice. I mean, it was Colva (which unfortunately has retained very little of its pristine beauty of many years ago, thanks to shameless commercial exploitation), but it was still fun.
So basically, yay! Because I can finally drive myself to my salon and stop looking like Cousin It from the Adams Family (okay, its not that bad. It's never that bad). 


More good things - The Germany trip in August is mostly happening. I'm sorting out ticket fares right now (which have suddenly shot up. My luck.) but hopefully it should all get finalized soon. The internship/job scene, on the other hand, not so hot. I'm still trying, but I don't know when something substantial will develop. Sigh and sigh.


Apart from that, I don't have much to blog about. The strange floating, blank, semi-existing feeling continues. I don't know if it's depression or emptiness or just a phase. Whatever it is, I fervently hope it passes away soon.


And now, if you could all excuse me (and I use the term 'all' very loosely here), I have to go do exciting CV and job application stuff. Oh, the thrill of it all.


Until later,
The Cyniqueen.

Pause

Pause is how it feels when you suddenly realize you're nothing you thought you'd be. Was browsing through notes I used to write in a diary last year and came to see that I seem to have very little of the enthusiasm I used to have last year. Why? I really have no idea.


Pause is also what happened to my blog for a bit. Paused thinking leads to paused writing. Also, was busy with German class. And to write in a language one is already proficient in (English) seemed like cheating on the new language (German). Oh, that's another pause by the way. Have taken a break from class for now.


My future plans are as wobbly and delicate as half-set yoghurt. And sometimes, nothing is as frustrating as sailing in a rudderless ship. I want to visit Germany this year. But have to decide on other things while I'm there. Do I look at Universities? Apply for internships? It all requires internet research. Which is possibly the most cumbersome thing I have ever done.  I don't believe in just sitting on one's ass and waiting for things to magically happen. But I do firmly believe in Kismat (or Kismet, its accented, westernized counterpart) and faith, and for things to happen when they have to. I believe in one thing following another and I believe in someone looking out for me. Argh. I wish I could get some clarity on the whole thing. A God's-eye view, if you will.


And oooooooh, talking of clarity and view, I got Lasik eye surgery done to correct my vision, so no more glasses and no more contact lenses! Eight years of contact lenses, preceeded by several years of glasses. No more involuntarily reaching out for my glasses the moment I wake up. No more carrying lens solution everywhere I go. No pairs of spectacles in my life. No more blurry ceiling when I open my eyes. No more, no more. It feels phenomenal. Post-operative discomfort aside, anyone who is sick of unclear vision and can afford the procedure (it's not even that expensive) shouldn't think twice.
The one week post-operative care is still on though. Which includes not washing your hair for eight whole days. I look like the Kumbh Mela sadhu, vines of curls sprouting heavily from my scalp. Okay, not as bad, but still. Not a comfortable feeling.


I was in Goa for about a month after my last German class was done. Awesome was rest, TV, the snug comfort of my room and the irreplaceable feeling of being at home. And when home is Goa, there's really nothing more left to ask for (but still, we do. We are strange, no?). Meeting up with Brad was nice, as was getting out of self-loathing mode.
 And the highlight was the short photography course that I finally finally did, thanks to my old acquaintance friend Shiv, who told me about it. Prasad Pankar, noted Goan photographer is superlative - as a teacher and as a person. There were about 14 of us in the batch and it was so much fun. Photography was something I was itching to explore, and I was stunned at the vastness of the field. I now find myself wishing that it wasn't such an expensive hobby, for I need to buy a nice SLR and keep thinking about the capital. My old laptop's burnt out motherboard compels me to buy a new one. A possible foreign trip is not helping matters either. But sigh, I really really want one. Still have to talk to dad though. For now, I browse through notes and a copy of Asian Photography and wait.


There are so many things running through my meandering mind like a disrupted, startled army of ants with no clear instructions. For all these ant-thoughts, I need a pause, a break, a stop. It's bruisingly noisy in my head. For now, I only hope to find a comma to rest against, tucked between the fragments of confusion.


Oh dear. I so didn't want to sound vague, but it came out all sombre anyway.


Yours blinkingly,
The Cyniqueen.

Slothday

Comfortable and sleepy.
Too-short shorts and a too-big T-shirt
Sunday newspapers and late morning brunches
Dulled traffic-noises from outside


I love Sundays. Even more so because of late I've been having class on Saturday. Sunday, therefore, is the sole sweet comfort of the week. The lone day of big breakfasts and sloth. Deserved-sloth, that is ;)


A steady downfall of all things technological/electrical recently (laptop, internet, phone,fan, etc....no exaggeration here) has had me thinking about the purpose of life. This philosophical endeavour, of course, was preceded by shock, hope, disappointment, rage, tears and helpless resignation. The end result? My laptop has been languishing at HP since...oh about 3 weeks and my phone is non-functional. Thank God for old phones (where the joystick doesn't work well, but I'm not complaining).


Level 5 of German has begun and it is tough. I've been sitting for 3 hours everyday and still barely manage to finish homework. And the teacher will always, but always ask you for the homework you haven't done. So typical. The good thing though, is that we read some German poetry (Kurt Tucholsky's Das Ideal. Excellent.) and were asked to interpret it. At which I was all antennae-alert, because hah, literature I can do. It was actually fun and I realized I actually miss the days of English M.A. Teaching is a profession I have been actively trying to run away from, but it I guess it does have its advantages... It would give me a chance to be in the field of academia and writing, which is amazing. But I so don't want to have homework when I'm earning. It's the absolute bane of a student's life. Exams are awful, yes, but then homework is everyday. Like slow death, no?


I'm torn between wanting a long relaxed stay at home doing a course in photography, taking more care of my health, learning guitar from a professional (as opposed to the self-learning I've done mostly off the internet) and basically, just enjoying home. The other part of me wants to be in Germany, experience the land and culture, meet new people (and finally be with the ones I already know and love). Leaving Pune won't be hard at all, that I'm sure of. Unless some strange sub-conscious bond was developed in the last 2 and a half years and I suddenly realize that as I'm finally leaving, waving people goodbye. Heh., unlikely.


Things will happen quick and I have just about a month to decide. But for now, homework awaits.


Sigh.
Bye.
Yes, so lame, but this blog is mine
That barely rhymed
Oh my god, that was pathetic. As my creativity is being usurped by the dread of doing homework, I really should stop.


Until later :)

Oh bloody 'ell!

Clicked at the institute - Good weather, bad day

I have had some what of a crappy week, what with coming down with a violent flu (because of which I had to miss class yesterday) and realizing that I am not quite enjoying the current German course as of now.
.
And Goa. I miss home. I miss living in a place I can be proud of. Not that Pune isn't fabulous (especially the noise. Love the noise) but it's just not me. Been talking a little with Brad, old college friend with whom misunderstandings were cleared last week. Brad is also away from home and also has had shitty luck with friends. Had a nice chat on Facebook last night about being drunk and the power of Zen. He says you have to try sitting straight, with your fingers (but not palms) touching, close eyes and calmly say 'I...AM...ZEN' for inner peace. The only Zen I really used to think about was mom's pretty pink car at home which I get to drive when I go home. But maybe I should give it a shot. And if it works, Zen before men. Haha.


Also, the H key on my keyboard is acting up like a stubborn child who refuses to drink milk. I have to resort to corporal punishment, hitting the key very hard before it spits out the letter on screen. Which is why the title of this post has 'ell in it.  Things like these are such an utter waste of frustration and annoyance, I feel like god is just screwing with me while he takes a beer break or an Amrut break or whatever break it is that god might be taking. Ooh, wonder why there is no god of technology. You know, like your computer crashes and the repair guys say ' We've done everything we could. All you can do now is pray.' I know you're probably backing away slowly to get away from the crazy ranting, but I'm too tired to take that  metaphor any further anyway.


Haemoglobin count in my body is low! Got the blood test results in the evening. Apparently low Hb leads to tiredness, breathlessness, low concentration  and the list goes on. Have a scary image of my body with slots for nutrients and the Hb/Iron slot blinking red and a hot phone operator voice saying- Warning, warning - Haemoglobin levels low. Please eat iron rich nutrients NOW!' 
Feel like having one of Popeye's instant energy spinach cans. Except in my mind, when I was a kid, that particular brand of spinach tasted scrumptious.
(Completely random thought, but does anyone remember the Powerpuff girls episode where the kids of Townsville have to save the city by eating Broccoli aliens? Loved the bit where they pour cheese on them. Mmmm...cheese).


And that has made me hungry. Off I go.



-The Cyniqueen
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P.S - Adam Lambert's 'Time for Miracles' from the 2012 OST. Listen. Like. Comment. Muah!