Yes! The Germany diaries - First Impressions...

• It is so, so spotlessly clean here. 
• It is daylight till 9:30 pm. So bizarre, so lovely.
• Everything is bigger than in India - people, dogs, the average beer bottle, bikes, pigeons.
• You need to check the weather forecast everyday. At first I never got what the fuss was all about, but when they say it's going to be overcast or rainy? That also means you're going to bruise your skin from the cold if you don't dress accordingly. Maybe I exaggerate - but I get cold even in Indian winter. I have surreally sensitive skin.
• Ooh, the sparrows too. FAT. 
• Eggs shells are brown! Not terribly startling, but had previously seen said egg variety only on television.
• And German television - It is so nice to have about 30 channels to watch in German, and not the one lone German channel as we get in India. Here, I feel like a ruler - changing channels at will to find German everywhere, not like in India, where you switch to Deutsche Welle and tuck the remote away meekly in a corner. It's like switching from Doordarshan to cable TV. Yes.
• You can lay down on the grass and simply take in nature, or just read or do your own thing at Potsdamer Platz in Berlin. And you don't have to worry about dog poo in the grass, or about perverts staring at you. Is a free world where everyone does their own thing (except dog owners, who must clean up after their canines. Haha).
• I know I spoke about cleanliness already, but a special mention must be made of the toilets everywhere. People actually care about keeping things clean, they actually know the importance of clean surroundings. It's so sad to see total ignorance about this in India.
• Ah. Oddly, as of now, I don't miss home at all. I am perfectly content without, for instance, domestic help (and God knows how frustrating that can be at times), and Goa comes to mind only with gentle triggers, like the sand at a work site reminded me of the beach, and the smell of Paprika powder is exactly how the main market at Margao smells like. I will miss Ganesh Chaturthi this year, for the first time ever, but I'm not going to think about that now. I'm simply going to take in whatever Germany has to offer. 
• Oh, wait - just because you've done some levels of German does not mean that you'll be spewing it out with Germans you meet. For one - They. Speak. Fast. Their accents are so perfect and clipped and lovely-sounding, and it's just a little intimidating. On my way from Hannover to Berlin, I got the wrong compartment and lost my seat because apparently you're supposed to occupy your reserved seat within 15 minutes of the train starting (I know!). I was stuck between two compartments, which was still all posh as is not third world country. There were a couple of other Germans with accents so thick and they were speaking so fast, could only snatch some nouns, with no way of knowing exactly what they were saying. Used to be nodding and smiling stupidly at whatever they were saying to realize that I was being asked a question. But was fine, really. And, they can barely speak any English, so ha.
• The thing that Germans are cold people? Total crap! All the Germans I have met until now have been so helpful (except a hefty lady with dark brown facial hair at the cash counter of a shop at the Frankfurt airport train station, who was a little rude when I asked her about my train. But then she helped me anyway - poor thing though, probably gets harassed by innocuous, broken German-speaking tourists all the time. Heh.)
• And met this guy Thomas at the station in Hannover, who really helped my nerves, and with whom I spoke a decent amount of German, and who was one of the only people whose German I actually understood clearly. And we're in touch now. Love that a contact was made in this random manner.
• They say that even if you speak a little German, the Germans will be friendly. And it makes total sense. You would be unable to communicate with someone who couldn't speak the same language, so obviously, how can you just be friendly without really even speaking to someone?
• Clearly, I'm in an all-forgiving, nurturing, happy place right now, away from chaos and absorbing in a new culture, new weather, new hope.... And no matter what I'm doing here, no matter how mundane, it is marvellous just to know that I'm doing it here, in Germany, a place I've wanted to come to for a while. The magic of new possibilities in the air is intoxicating. Come join me, won't you?

Bis bald,

The Cyniqueen.

Zen

Good things in my life right now?
I finally drove the car after almost a year. Last year around this time, I sort of sprained my right wrist while lifting a very large bucket of water (of all things) because there was going to be some kind of a water shortage, which at the end of it didn't really end up affecting me at all. Which strengthens my belief in fate and shows that I was destined to sprain that wrist. I mean, I never go about lifting very large buckets of water, y'know? So anyway, basically every time I was down in Goa and tried to drive the shiny pink Zen Estillo, my wrist would start to ache. And then I lost the confidence that I'd be able to drive. But on Sunday, mom and dad and I went to the beach and I drove and it was like I had never had the break. And we had tea/coffee and bought shorts and tee shirts and things, and it was all very nice. I mean, it was Colva (which unfortunately has retained very little of its pristine beauty of many years ago, thanks to shameless commercial exploitation), but it was still fun.
So basically, yay! Because I can finally drive myself to my salon and stop looking like Cousin It from the Adams Family (okay, its not that bad. It's never that bad). 


More good things - The Germany trip in August is mostly happening. I'm sorting out ticket fares right now (which have suddenly shot up. My luck.) but hopefully it should all get finalized soon. The internship/job scene, on the other hand, not so hot. I'm still trying, but I don't know when something substantial will develop. Sigh and sigh.


Apart from that, I don't have much to blog about. The strange floating, blank, semi-existing feeling continues. I don't know if it's depression or emptiness or just a phase. Whatever it is, I fervently hope it passes away soon.


And now, if you could all excuse me (and I use the term 'all' very loosely here), I have to go do exciting CV and job application stuff. Oh, the thrill of it all.


Until later,
The Cyniqueen.

Pause

Pause is how it feels when you suddenly realize you're nothing you thought you'd be. Was browsing through notes I used to write in a diary last year and came to see that I seem to have very little of the enthusiasm I used to have last year. Why? I really have no idea.


Pause is also what happened to my blog for a bit. Paused thinking leads to paused writing. Also, was busy with German class. And to write in a language one is already proficient in (English) seemed like cheating on the new language (German). Oh, that's another pause by the way. Have taken a break from class for now.


My future plans are as wobbly and delicate as half-set yoghurt. And sometimes, nothing is as frustrating as sailing in a rudderless ship. I want to visit Germany this year. But have to decide on other things while I'm there. Do I look at Universities? Apply for internships? It all requires internet research. Which is possibly the most cumbersome thing I have ever done.  I don't believe in just sitting on one's ass and waiting for things to magically happen. But I do firmly believe in Kismat (or Kismet, its accented, westernized counterpart) and faith, and for things to happen when they have to. I believe in one thing following another and I believe in someone looking out for me. Argh. I wish I could get some clarity on the whole thing. A God's-eye view, if you will.


And oooooooh, talking of clarity and view, I got Lasik eye surgery done to correct my vision, so no more glasses and no more contact lenses! Eight years of contact lenses, preceeded by several years of glasses. No more involuntarily reaching out for my glasses the moment I wake up. No more carrying lens solution everywhere I go. No pairs of spectacles in my life. No more blurry ceiling when I open my eyes. No more, no more. It feels phenomenal. Post-operative discomfort aside, anyone who is sick of unclear vision and can afford the procedure (it's not even that expensive) shouldn't think twice.
The one week post-operative care is still on though. Which includes not washing your hair for eight whole days. I look like the Kumbh Mela sadhu, vines of curls sprouting heavily from my scalp. Okay, not as bad, but still. Not a comfortable feeling.


I was in Goa for about a month after my last German class was done. Awesome was rest, TV, the snug comfort of my room and the irreplaceable feeling of being at home. And when home is Goa, there's really nothing more left to ask for (but still, we do. We are strange, no?). Meeting up with Brad was nice, as was getting out of self-loathing mode.
 And the highlight was the short photography course that I finally finally did, thanks to my old acquaintance friend Shiv, who told me about it. Prasad Pankar, noted Goan photographer is superlative - as a teacher and as a person. There were about 14 of us in the batch and it was so much fun. Photography was something I was itching to explore, and I was stunned at the vastness of the field. I now find myself wishing that it wasn't such an expensive hobby, for I need to buy a nice SLR and keep thinking about the capital. My old laptop's burnt out motherboard compels me to buy a new one. A possible foreign trip is not helping matters either. But sigh, I really really want one. Still have to talk to dad though. For now, I browse through notes and a copy of Asian Photography and wait.


There are so many things running through my meandering mind like a disrupted, startled army of ants with no clear instructions. For all these ant-thoughts, I need a pause, a break, a stop. It's bruisingly noisy in my head. For now, I only hope to find a comma to rest against, tucked between the fragments of confusion.


Oh dear. I so didn't want to sound vague, but it came out all sombre anyway.


Yours blinkingly,
The Cyniqueen.

Slothday

Comfortable and sleepy.
Too-short shorts and a too-big T-shirt
Sunday newspapers and late morning brunches
Dulled traffic-noises from outside


I love Sundays. Even more so because of late I've been having class on Saturday. Sunday, therefore, is the sole sweet comfort of the week. The lone day of big breakfasts and sloth. Deserved-sloth, that is ;)


A steady downfall of all things technological/electrical recently (laptop, internet, phone,fan, etc....no exaggeration here) has had me thinking about the purpose of life. This philosophical endeavour, of course, was preceded by shock, hope, disappointment, rage, tears and helpless resignation. The end result? My laptop has been languishing at HP since...oh about 3 weeks and my phone is non-functional. Thank God for old phones (where the joystick doesn't work well, but I'm not complaining).


Level 5 of German has begun and it is tough. I've been sitting for 3 hours everyday and still barely manage to finish homework. And the teacher will always, but always ask you for the homework you haven't done. So typical. The good thing though, is that we read some German poetry (Kurt Tucholsky's Das Ideal. Excellent.) and were asked to interpret it. At which I was all antennae-alert, because hah, literature I can do. It was actually fun and I realized I actually miss the days of English M.A. Teaching is a profession I have been actively trying to run away from, but it I guess it does have its advantages... It would give me a chance to be in the field of academia and writing, which is amazing. But I so don't want to have homework when I'm earning. It's the absolute bane of a student's life. Exams are awful, yes, but then homework is everyday. Like slow death, no?


I'm torn between wanting a long relaxed stay at home doing a course in photography, taking more care of my health, learning guitar from a professional (as opposed to the self-learning I've done mostly off the internet) and basically, just enjoying home. The other part of me wants to be in Germany, experience the land and culture, meet new people (and finally be with the ones I already know and love). Leaving Pune won't be hard at all, that I'm sure of. Unless some strange sub-conscious bond was developed in the last 2 and a half years and I suddenly realize that as I'm finally leaving, waving people goodbye. Heh., unlikely.


Things will happen quick and I have just about a month to decide. But for now, homework awaits.


Sigh.
Bye.
Yes, so lame, but this blog is mine
That barely rhymed
Oh my god, that was pathetic. As my creativity is being usurped by the dread of doing homework, I really should stop.


Until later :)

Oh bloody 'ell!

Clicked at the institute - Good weather, bad day

I have had some what of a crappy week, what with coming down with a violent flu (because of which I had to miss class yesterday) and realizing that I am not quite enjoying the current German course as of now.
.
And Goa. I miss home. I miss living in a place I can be proud of. Not that Pune isn't fabulous (especially the noise. Love the noise) but it's just not me. Been talking a little with Brad, old college friend with whom misunderstandings were cleared last week. Brad is also away from home and also has had shitty luck with friends. Had a nice chat on Facebook last night about being drunk and the power of Zen. He says you have to try sitting straight, with your fingers (but not palms) touching, close eyes and calmly say 'I...AM...ZEN' for inner peace. The only Zen I really used to think about was mom's pretty pink car at home which I get to drive when I go home. But maybe I should give it a shot. And if it works, Zen before men. Haha.


Also, the H key on my keyboard is acting up like a stubborn child who refuses to drink milk. I have to resort to corporal punishment, hitting the key very hard before it spits out the letter on screen. Which is why the title of this post has 'ell in it.  Things like these are such an utter waste of frustration and annoyance, I feel like god is just screwing with me while he takes a beer break or an Amrut break or whatever break it is that god might be taking. Ooh, wonder why there is no god of technology. You know, like your computer crashes and the repair guys say ' We've done everything we could. All you can do now is pray.' I know you're probably backing away slowly to get away from the crazy ranting, but I'm too tired to take that  metaphor any further anyway.


Haemoglobin count in my body is low! Got the blood test results in the evening. Apparently low Hb leads to tiredness, breathlessness, low concentration  and the list goes on. Have a scary image of my body with slots for nutrients and the Hb/Iron slot blinking red and a hot phone operator voice saying- Warning, warning - Haemoglobin levels low. Please eat iron rich nutrients NOW!' 
Feel like having one of Popeye's instant energy spinach cans. Except in my mind, when I was a kid, that particular brand of spinach tasted scrumptious.
(Completely random thought, but does anyone remember the Powerpuff girls episode where the kids of Townsville have to save the city by eating Broccoli aliens? Loved the bit where they pour cheese on them. Mmmm...cheese).


And that has made me hungry. Off I go.



-The Cyniqueen
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P.S - Adam Lambert's 'Time for Miracles' from the 2012 OST. Listen. Like. Comment. Muah!

That's the story of, that's the glory of...procrastination.

courtesy Google Image search --- http://www.netanimations.net/Animated_Relaxing_dog.gif

I attribute the hiatus in blogging activity to blogger’s block, no comments and being busy. And lazy. Now that that’s done, let us, ever so gently, move on to what I was doing when you were anxiously waiting for my next blog entry. (What? It’s possible!)

Significant things? Meh.

It rained like waterfalls gushing from the skies.

I finished another level of German. (and yes, cleared it. Very important to mention).

I rediscovered the inexplicable joy of an internet connection at home (the Pune home)

After months of living alone, my sis came to Pune and we stayed together. Fun.

Kinch finally left for a land far, far away. Sigh and sigh.

Donkeys, white, braying, kicking, killing-your-sleep-in-the-dead-of-the-night DONKEYS reside around the Pune house, as I recently discovered. Now don’t get me wrong, I think animals are adorable. But dude, have you ever heard a donkey bray? Its sad really. Like a trumpet being stamped upon crossed with a sore-throated elephant’s cry crossed with a peacock being tortured. And never having heard a donkey’s bray before, I was more than just puzzled when it started braying once fine starry night, threatening to deafen and frighten at the same time. In my semi-conscious haze it was ridiculously obvious that tall aliens made up of snail skin were back in the area(I think I’d been reading some bad sci-fi), but no, it was donkeys. Donkeys, for heaven’s sake. Which is, of course, why I treasure each second of peace here in Goa. Where I shall probably never get to live again. Sigh and sigh and sigh.

Was noch? Oh yes, I re-read Toast by Nigel Slater, when I was in Pune. The story of a sad childhood told through the association of food. Deliciously melancholy and an appetisingly ornate read. You will cry as you are laughing and vice versa. I know. I would’ve made such a good book critic. Seriously though, I’ve gifted the book to a lot of people and I’d recommend it to anyone who likes their food or has some level of sensitivity to life.

Had some brilliantly perfect recheado mackerel and fried kingfish at my aunt’s tonight. Oh, and Xacuti chicken. And pudding. And mmmmmmm...and I don’t care about the calories. (Although maybe in the morning a wave of guilt will visit. Eh.)

I finally finally went to the salon today after what literally felt like years. It was so bad that I was beginning to avoid meeting anyone who was not family (and thus not obliged to like me as I am. Which was unfortunately very very hairy). I mean, okay, it wasn’t so bad, but my skin had begun to look about a shade darker. Heh. And I got a haircut, which was supposed to be a trim. Hairdressers always, but always do this. Oh, and my hair, it took years to grow. With a few snip-snap swishy important-sounding sounds of an innocently small pair of scissors, it's about 5 inches shorter. It’s the same as when waiters while serving you seem to be stone deaf when you say ‘thank you, that’s enough’ or something and go on to serve about double of how much you actually want. I’m sad about the hair, but at least it’s not as bad as January, when Mavis cut it so short, my back felt naked.

Realization – I turn into a major slob every time I come home to Goa, happily indulging in the simple primal pleasure of TV watching, sleeping (in peace and quiet) and eating. On Tuesday, for instance, I watched Armageddon again followed immediately by The Pursuit of Happyness. And after that, I finally bathed. Felt so icky. But that’s the story of (that’s the glory of) sloth.

And this slob, I fear

Has had it up till here

So, sweet reader

I wish thee good night

Fluff your pillows

Draw the curtains

And don’t let the bed bugs bite

(and you thought it was going to be profound. I am so off my rocker tonight. byebyebye)

'Have you floated in the full moon night sky yet?' Random ramblings of a distracted Cyniqueen.

* courtesy Google Image search ---bored---sodahead.com

Why, oh why, I ask (ever so respectfully), is no bloody one online when you want to chat? And why when you don't want to, people keep bing binging you (That's the Google Talk message tone. I use Google Talk. I luuurve Google Talk)? I know, the easier thing to do would be to not sign in. Duh. But you know when you want to be connected with people but not talk? Like when you're at home and people are around...you want to be left alone but at the same time you're just glad that some one's around the house somewhere doing their own thing?

Now, there aren't too many people on my Gtalk list, which is why I still like Gtalk. Yahoo Messenger, on the other hand, is clogged with contacts, most of whom I don't even know that well. So on the rare occasions that I do sign in, I end up staying invisible, reading the offline messages if I have any, and leaving quietly. In the same way you would slink off stealthily from a party with loud music you don't enjoy and old acquaintances you have no intention of talking to.

I was to leave for Pune on Tuesday, but Swine flu has everyone telling me not to go by public transport. So I guess I'm going to have to miss a day or two (which is about 7 hours of teaching. Gulp.) and leave by car with someone else, maybe mom's friend's daughter who also studies in Pune. Now, my institute which could have remained closed a little longer like all others is re-opening on Wednesday. If I was still doing M.A, missing class would have been less of a problem. But now, it's a super intensive course so it's hard to make up for if you miss something. Dilemma type situation. I hate to leave Goa. I hate to miss class. Absolutely perfect. Huh.
Which by the way, is to inform the few people who read this blog (and what lovely people they are, have I ever mentioned?) that posting may be irregular or less frequent whenever I do go to Pune. Sigh. I know, I'll miss you too :D

Good things about today : I got to nap in the afternoon - a nice, quiet, long, quiet, peaceful, quiet, deep, quiet nap. Because in Pune as I have bitched before, I'm certain, there are always these annoying little sounds at all times - people laughing/coughing/screaming/fighting/hawking/sometimes just like exhaling loudly (what? I swear it happens), music, construction, cars honking - oh, the honking. I despise the honking. I mean, people, it's not a magic button to clear traffic, for crying out loud! Or crying out soft actually, I prefer crying out soft. Teehee.

So ANYWAY, I dreamt, among numerous other things that I had the ability to go through walls and to fly. And in my dream, I'd had a shitty day and just wanted to get away. So 'whoosh!', went I into the full moon night sky. And the full moon night sky was peppered with soft white tufts of clouds, it was; and I whooshed and flipped over so that I was sort of doing a back stroke floating thing, just listening to songs on my ipod (which I had diligently remembered to carry along) and looking at the clouds, with the breeze blowing. And one of the clouds looked exactly like a statue of Lord Ganesha. All of which should have been petrifying at the time, but it wasn't.

And in other news, Remmer, my Russian classmate from M.A emailed. Felt nice. That's all folks.

Bis später,
The Cyniqueen

P.S - Going shopping for much needed home-clothes with my sis tomorrow!
Also, 'bis später' means 'until later' in German.